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Hello, Gentle Reader. Sorry it’s been so long.I wasn’t sure if anyone out there even reads this or finds it even remotely useful.

I was looking at my blog and realized it had been a month since I had updated with a new cocktail. I have been creating new cocktails, just not writing about them. I have been fortunate enough to have friends who are willing guinea pigs. I am especially thankful because Michael has started to avoid me whenever he hears ice against metal after some ill-begotten cream cocktails or an attempt to mix Peach Schnapps and Kirsch. (For those of you who may not know Kirsch is a cherry flavored liquor that is higher proof than most Vodkas at 90 proof. Cherry and peach sounds like it may have the potential of being good, but I have yet to find the proper combination. Any suggestions, send them my way.)

Lactose Intolerant Cocktails

These drinks are inspired because of my fraternity brother Craig who is so lactose intolerant that he may die by looking at a gallon of milk. This has proposed an interesting dilemma for cocktails. There are some drinks that  really do necessitate some sort of cream product. Chocolate martinis, for instance, just need the cream to hold it together and make it what it should be. It is rare to find a chocolate martini recipe without cream.

However, it is rarer to find a cocktail with soy milk. When going to Webtender, DrinkNation, or Drinks Mixer none of them have any cocktails that I could find that included soy milk.  It is an interesting, unexplored avenue for cocktails. By ignoring it, we have done a disservice to the product, the lactose intolerant, or, most importantly, the liquor itself. To ignore an ingredient is one of the worst things we can do and I, dear reader, bravely go where few on the internet have gone before.

Soy Milk

I bought soy milk a few weeks ago. I will fully admit I bought the absolute cheapest unflavored soy milk I could find. This was my biggest mistake with mixology to date. After tasting it, I’m not convinced people who like the taste of unflavored soy milk exist — like unicorns, because I am certainly not one of them. I made 2 or 3 drinks with unflavored soy milk and they all tasted terrible. I was willing to give up quickly, I must admit, especially with Michael tiring of cream cocktails and my distaste of soy milk generally.

I was discussing this conundrum with my friend Mary when she came to visit me about a month and a half ago. She works for White Rock Coffee in Dallas. We were discussing the problems of the soy milk. Apparently, in her coffee shop, rather than using an unflavored soy milk base, it was a vanilla flavored soy base unless unflavored was requested. Back to the drawing board I went with a new ingredient. The vanilla soy milk was key. It helped minimize this strange flavor in the milk I have yet to identify.

Because of this experiment and ingredient, I am able to bring you a lovely alternative to traditional holiday cocktails that is fun for you and your lactose intolerant friends:

The Chocolate Orange

2 parts Chocolate Vodka

2 parts Creme de Cacao

1 part Grand Marnier (or knock off, I’m currently using Harlequin)

1 part Vanilla Flavored Soy Milk of Half & Half

  • Add ice to a martini shaker.
  • Add all ingredients.
  • Shake dramatically.
  • Pour and enjoy!


This is a great alternative to other holiday drinks while still keeping in the general cheer. Most people only have chocolate oranges around Christmas time.

You can use half and half to replace the vanilla soy milk. The Grand Marnier flavor mostly overpowers the vanilla.


1 750 mL bottle of Chocolate Vodka: $20

1 750 mL bottle of Creme de Cacao: $10

1 750 mL bottle of Grand Marnier: $30 OR 1 750 mL bottle of Harlequin (off brand): $15

1 container of Half & Half: $2 OR 1 container of soy milk: $4

This drink could total as much as $64 or as little as $47.

As always, happy and safe drinking!