Gentle Reader, alas, today I have no new drinks for you.

As I’ve been mixing and drinking (or mixing, tasting, and dumping) as I have had to do from time to time recently I come to you with no new creations. No new ideas. Just more of the same that I’ve been making for years.

The current drinks are failing like a dyslexic six year old in a graduate level English class on Beowulf. As I approach the kitchen, martini shaker in hand, ice in the freezer and more booze bottles than can be drunk at an Irish Catholic wedding, I match, mix, and make. Instead of tasting delicious, it always comes off just right of center. The elusive perfect cocktail. If I thought that drinking whiskey and cranberry juice were acceptable, I would probably just move on, but instead, gentle reader, I search for you (or really me) to find the perfect version of whatever cocktail I’m mixing up that night. The drinks could be for you if you left Kansas — or the belt line — to come to my apartment for cocktails. Alas, I only have Michael to experiment on, and he’s beginning to hate some of the concoctions I’m coming up with, or just creamy cocktails. They might be delicious but he’s as sick of them as most people are of Christmas Carols by December 24th or the new top 40 hit as it reigns #1 for the 14th week.

Hot Buttered Rum

Failure #1 which Michael hates (and a long list of my friends, ahem, Mary, ahem.)

I was reading Kingsley Amis’ Everyday Drinking: The Distilled Kingsley Amis, I have found a number of delicious sounding, but I’m beginning to think, not delicious tasting, drinks. He had a recipe in there for Hot buttered Rum, which was

  • 1 lb brown sugar
  • 1/4 lb Butter
  • 1/2 tsp. Nutmeg
  • 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
  • 1/2 tsp cloves
  • Pinch of salt

It’s been f’ing cold here in Raleigh (rarely below freezing, but still, cold) so I wanted a nip to warm myself up. I took the recipe and made a fourth, because it was just Michael and I. Michael apparently hates hot buttered rum, which he and I did not know going into my experiment. He told me it needed to be fixed and to try again.

Try again I did. I fixed it by making the following recipe:

  • 1 cup of Brown Sugar
  • 1 cup of Sugar
  • 4 cups of water
  • 1/2 tsp nutmeg
  • 1/2 tsp cinnamon
  • 1/2 stick of butter

Also failed. Michael announced after tasting the second round that he did not like hot buttered rum. I thought it was good, but it was also something warm when I was freezing and putting on more layers was not helping. I thought it tasted alright. I sent the drink to Tay-Hoss with my friend Mary who also attempted to make the recipe. Unbeknownst to her, she also hates Hot Buttered Rum. I’m so happy that my blog could be there to help people find drinks they hated. On the upside, Craig and Jeff said they liked it. But they’re a lot more polite than the other two.

Brandy Lime

You read that right, Brandy Lime not Brandy Wine. Also known as drink failure #2.

There was this amazing drinking at Della Voce in Manhattan that had $5 drink specials on Thursday and this was one of their cocktails.

(Brief plug: If they still do, you should go and get real tipsy on $5 martinis. If they don’t have the special, those drinks are worth every penny. I have never had a better martini than what I have had there.)

They had this amazing drink, which I believe was called the Rob Roy (unrelated to a real Rob Roy.) It is no longer on the menu and I have been trying to replicate it. Rather than taking the easy way and emailing the owners to see if they would just tell me the recipe (although I feel like that’s cheating) I’ve been experimenting with Whiskey, Brandy, Sweet Vermouth, Lime Juice, and Rose’s Lime Juice, all failed. There have been about eight different attempts on the cocktail. I won’t go into all detail here. It needs to be colored brown and with a hint of lime juice. After all my variations, I suspect that they use Rose’s Lime Juice instead of real lime juice, which is fine because they’re achieving a really good flavor. I’ve almost run out of brandy trying to make this drink which I think might be the real travesty in my failure on my this quest. Finally,

Mojito Simple Syrup

Failure # 3

I’m sure none of you follow my blog with the obsessive regularity that I do,  but I recently had a comment from a stranger/fellow blogger who commented on my Revolutionized Appletini blog about her mint simple syrup. She suggested making the simple syrup and giving it as a gift with rum and club soda for a Mojito basket for Christmas. I thought to myself “Brilliant!” and not that expensive for a certain high rise couple I know.  However, one of the important parts of a Mojito is the lime that gets muddled with it. I took the rind of one lime to throw into the mint simple syrup from the Mintini post. The syrup turned out okay, Michael even liked it. But it just tasted off. Like the end of rainbow, the success of this ingredient was just out of reach.

A List of Temperamental Ramblings

  1. Finally, while not a failure, I’m still not happy with the Revolutionized Appletini. I’ve got one name idea for it, the Apple Jackie, but I’m still thinking. Wondering if you have any other suggestions . . . ?
  2. I wish Godiva would email me back. I’m going to do a blog post about lactose free creme de cacao (Google Search hit.) But I want to review their delicious but potentially fatal product line.
  3. I’ve got some cocktails that are in the works, but I haven’t decided if I like them because they’re good, or if because they get you good and boozy after one.

Thoughts for now. Will post an actual drink recipe later this week. As always, happy and safe drinking!

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