Valentine’s Day: The Stinger

Tags

Kissable Cocktails, Valentine's Drinks

I love this cover of “Bella Notte” from The Lady and the Tramp. This is instrumental by Emile Pandolfi. If you want to be romantic.

Personally, I don’t understand all of this Valentine’s Day hatred. The mythos of St. Valentine is that he married Christian couples in a time where it was illegal to do so. Both the Christians who he married and the St. Valentine himself, were subjected to death, until finally St. Valentine was finally caught and executed. If we’re going to celebrate love, isn’t this the kind of love we should celebrate and should want to celebrate?

Love that dares all. The love where people fly in the face of tradition and risk death, ostracization, disinheritance? Isn’t that what historic and heroic love matches are made of? There’s nothing heroic about two upper-class straight white people from the same religion, city, educational make-up, whose parents played tennis together as the two grew up, etc. who eventually fall in love. That is not the stuff from great romances. Maybe we shouldn’t aspire to great romances, but that’s a different discussion. But if we’re going to celebrate love, shouldn’t we focus on the couples, like Edward VIII who abdicated the British throne to marry divorcee Wallis Simpson, to whom he remained married until his death, 35 years later, or Julia Child, who met Paul Child in India, and traversed the globe with him, unsure of her future away from the middle class creature comforts to which she had grown up, to whom she remained married until his death 48 years later. Or Holocaust Survivors, Margrit and Henry “Heinz” Baerman. Or love stories during slavery. Or. Or. Or. Stories of people who sacrifices all for love; on Valentine’s Day, aren’t these the stories we should be celebrating or at least thinking about?

Admittedly, my partner and I have been together for 9 and a half years, and most importantly my dad’s birthday is Valentine’s Day. So for me, Valentine’s Day always equaled cake and candy. Not a bad holiday for a kid. If you really hate Valentine’s Day that much, consider celebrating Lupercalia-a pagan festival of fertility. If you don’t know how to celebrate fertility, then you are on your own.

The Stinger

2 ounces Brandy

1/2 ounce Creme de Menthe

Mix in a shaker and strain into a martini glass.

Evaluation

This is not the best tasting drink in the world, but sipping on it clears your mouth. It’s an after-dinner drink in every possible way.

Creme de Menthe is an incredibly strong mint flavor, not quite as bad as Listerine, but this is not an unfair comparison. The Creme de Menthe is strong enough that it should cover up that garlic or onions you had with dinner. So eat what you want for your meal, and have this after for a kissably clean mouth. Thankfully, both Brandy and Mint go well with chocolate, so have it with your romantic torte. If you don’t have a breath mint handy, this is better than walking around with stanky breath (you know if you’re one of these people.)

I like this drink fine. I would give it a 3/5. I would certainly not drink it all night, but if I knew that I was going to be getting hot and heavy with someone before I could get to my toothbrush post-dinner, pre-make-out. You’re probably not going to drink it all nights, but definitely after dinner, when you’re going to be close and personal.

Cost

$10 for a 750 mL bottle of Jacques Cardin Brandy

$10 for a 750 mL bottle of Creme de Menthe

Total Cost: $20

Cost per Drink: 

$0.80 for 2 ounces, Brandy

$0.20 for 0.5 ounces, Creme de Menthe

Total Cost: $1.00

Have a Happy Valentine’s Day. And, as always, happy, and safe, drinking.

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Barn Raising, and Apple Cider

Tags

Apple Cider, Apple Jack, Brandy, Cider, Drink

Barn Raisings

Barn raisings occurred primarily in the Midwest where there weren’t a lot of people. They brought the community together to create a shared sense of purpose and to help one of their neighbors, friends, or strangers. As the Industrial Age dawned, fewer and fewer people moved to the rural, most remote parts of the country to farm, and those who were already living there either had barns or hired labor. Eventually, barn raisings disappeared from our cultural consciousness.

Maybe they shouldn’t have.

While not all migration is western, people still move. We move to escape our past. We move to create a future. We move because it’s the only way to start over. We’re really not so far beyond the pioneers of old. We just have I-Phones, GPS, and American Airlines. It takes us hours to get home, instead of days, weeks, or months. However, many of us are far from home. Far from where we started, and we need a barn raising.

A barn raising created permanence. It created stability. It created belonging. It created the future. As migratory creatures, we still need these qualities. The qualities are just needed more as metaphysical symbols than physical buildings.

At some point, we have bought into this idea that it’s good to be as strong as steel. We refuse to ask for help. It is a virtue to be independent to a fault, despite feelings of isolation and loneliness. We credit those who pull themselves up from the brink of despair, but few do it alone.

Setting up a barn raising is not simple. It was an all-day if not several day event. The pioneer needed to ask for the help. The pioneer had to be ready. The community had to be ready to respond.

I have many friends who have migrated. Now, they are stuck in a rut. But because of their stubbornness, they refuse help. They refuse advice. Instead of being guided by their “friends who have gone before” they are trapped by their own obtuseness and faith in independence. They moved from where they were to escape the life they left behind, but they have ignored the next step: looking forward towards the life they want. They are so stuck looking backwards that they never look forward. If this were still migratory pioneers instead of migratory individuals, they would starve to death in winter. They don’t open themselves to the new experiences present in their new location.

We haven’t lost that sense of pioneering spirit. When we return home, sometimes we do it with our head held high, and sometimes with our head held low. But, when we do return home temporarily or forever, shouldn’t we have the opportunity to feel like something we did mattered, even in the smallest way? Shouldn’t we feel that by moving our life blossomed instead of withered?

How do we help those who forgot the single greatest lessons the fathers of our country ever taught us? Without interdependence, we would die. We wouldn’t have food, a house, or a barn. How do we recapture of a sense of community in the face of desperate independence?

Apple Cider, again

When you’re ready to celebrate your own barn raising, or just fall, try this recipe at a party.

Two Gallons of Apple Cider

Four Cinnamon Sticks

One (750 mL) bottle of Apple Jack brandy

One (750 mL) bottle of unflavored brandy

Put two gallons apple cider and four cinnamon sticks into a giant stockpot on the lowest possible heat. I let it simmer for about 5 hours. Immediately before serving, remove from heat and add a bottle of apple brandy and one bottle of unflavored brandy. Serve warm.

Evaluation:

I wrote about making homemade apple cider already, and I thought that was a bust. So I went out and bought apple cider, looked at a few recipes, and came up with this instead. I think making homemade apple cider is a good waste of time and money. It is cheaper to buy it than to make it, unless you have an apple orchard. I thought it was great. It went over really well at a party I through last week.

Cost:

2 gallons of apple cider: $10

Four Cinnamon Sticks: $2.50

One (750 mL) bottle of Apple Jack brandy: $20.00

One (750 mL) bottle of unflavored brandy: $10

Total cost: $42.50

Cost per Drink:

The drink makes 306 ounces. We’re going to call each drink 6 ounces (approximately.) This makes 51 drinks for $0.83/drink.

As always, happy and safe drinking.

Cocktail Calories

Tags

Beverage, Calorie, Carbonated water, Cocktail

I have Mrscummings to thank for this blog post. She invited me to do a guest blog post

As I wrote a while back, I’m not a fan of skinny cocktails. Mostly, because I feel like many people don’t respect the ingredients. Why should we change a great drink and sacrifice flavor, if we can start with a new list of ingredients and come up with a new list of great cocktails? Or realize that our current drinks are just fine.

Liquor

Liquor is liquor is liquor. If you have 80 proof vodka, gin, rum, tequila, whiskey, or brandy, 1 ounce is 64 calories (according to Webmd’s calorie counter.) So the difference between these liquors in terms of calories is nothing. So for those of you who have been drinking Vodka-Diet Soda, please stop, unless you love it. It’s no fewer calories than rum and diet, or vodka and club soda, to name a few. American Honey Whiskey is the only liquor that I have seen that has fewer calories. According to Daily Burn, American Honey has 60 calories in 50 mL (or approximately 1.7 oz.) The proof is slightly lower. Instead of 80 proof, it’s 71 proof.

Liqueurs

Now, this is where the calories happen. This is really sad for me because I love liqueurs.

Most Fruit Liqueurs: Triple Sec, Apple Liqueurs, Limoncello, etc, according to Drinkmixer.com have 103 calories per ounce. Now I have seen some differing information on the liqueurs on the web, but let’s err with the higher calorie count. So for those of you who want to say Good-bye pounds and you’re looking to cut calories when drinking, you might want to say good-bye Liqueurs! At least for a while.

Beer vs. Wine vs. Liquor

I know I got a depressed and started to feel like a fat ass after reading the stats on liqueurs.

Now it is time to feel better:

According to Beer100.com, almost all beers range between 150 and 250 calories for 12 ounces of beer. So a 12 oz can of beer is usually 54 or more calories consumed for the same alcohol content. A 5 oz glass of wine generally ranges between 120 to 140 calories for a 5-ounce glass of wine which is the alcohol equivalent of 12 ounces of beer or 1.5 ounces of liquor. Wine is slightly more calories per glass than liquor when looking at alcohol by volume.

Just FYI: These are all standard servings of beer, wine, and liquor.

So Now What?

So, now we know that it doesn’t matter what liquors we use. We need to watch our mixers.

Great mixers to look for: Club Soda and Diet Soda. These both have 0 calories. Tonic Water has calories (who knew?,) but Diet Tonic Exists as well.

Freshly Squeezed Juices (which you should have been using anyway.) 1 ounce of Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice: 8 calories. 1 oz Fresh Squeezed Lemon  Juice: 8 oz.

1 oz Fresh Squeezed Orange Juice: 13 Calories.

Herbs are great as well: Basil o calories. Mint 1 tsp: 5 calories.

If you need to sweeten things up: Simple Syrup: 48 calories for a 1 oz Serving (and it’s rare that you’ll use more than 1/2 oz of simple syrup for a drink.)

This is some general advice for those of you who are calorie counting. I will be doing a guest blog for the post for Mrscummings soon (I’ll post here letting you know) with specific drink recipes under 200 calories (although I’m trying to get them under 150.)

Comment below or email me if you have any questions. I always love to know what you think.

As always, happy and safe drinking.

Zombie Apocalypse and the Corpse Reviver

Tags

Brandy, Cocktails, Zombie, Zombie apocalypse

It is our inability to murder loved ones that will bring about our ultimate downfall. –Cracked.com

So, this week, I have been thinking about the zombie apocalypse. My roommate Mary is out-of-town, which makes this thought process incredibly unusual. I don’t believe that the zombie apocalypse is likely to happen. I’m pretty sure if the world ends, it will be because

1. We’ve either gone to war and nuked each other to death or
2. We will have poisoned our planet to such a degree that Mother Nature will get pissed off at us and instead of sending us to our room she will go all kinds of Medea. She’ll kill us by either:

• Creating a supervirus that kills us all after a long, agonizing, and painful death or
• Climate change will become so ridiculous, we’ll die of frostbite in July in Mexico.

Clearly, I’m an optimist about the fate of humanity and our ability to save ourselves. I don’t really believe in zombies, but I’m curious why so many people are obsessed with them. Like so many creatures out of horror films, there is obviously a reason why they not only entered our long term cultural consciousness but also continued to delight us with fear. Why?

Why Zombies?

I think there’s a number of reasons why we are afraid of zombies. Let’s review our fear of the two major types of zombie plagues.

The Necromancer Zombies

Let’s say that zombies that zombies are reanimated corpses, usually controlled by some sort of “evil” magic person — The necromancer. They raise the zombies from the dead, in order for them to do their bidding, usually to amass massive amounts of political power to create a dictatorship where the people are held in captivity by fear. These zombies feel no pain and are “living” fighting machines.

Let’s say we’re the reanimated zombie:

• Many of us don’t want others to control in real life. In our normal lives we are able to resist control through subtle subterfuge or outright defiance. As a reanimated corpse, most people believe our soul and sense of self has left our body, and we are no longer able to maintain control. Someone is able to use us as a physical shield without our consent.

If we’re the alive when this happens:

• It is reasonable that the necromancer would want to kill us for our body. This is terrifying. I would not like to be murdered especially if I knew that the situation outlined above was going to happen and would be the afterlife of my physical body.
• Unlike robots, we cannot take out their central power station or deactivate them by unplugging them. Somehow, we have to kill the Necromancer. But how are we able to do this, if said necromancer has reanimated an army of zombies whose sole purpose is to do the bidding of said necromancer? These types of zombies do not need to eat or feed. They exist only for their necromancer to control them.

The Diseased Zombies

Most of us have a healthy respect for or fear of science. Let’s be real, we can cure cancer or kill thousands of people and leave a radioactive wasteland behind with the single detonation of a nuclear bomb. The other major classification of a zombie is the disease created zombie.

These are the zombies of our nightmares. At least with the necromancer created zombies, they might not aim to kill. Their creator’s attention might be somewhere else, and we might be able to survive. However, these zombies want to eat our brains.

If we become the zombie:

• Obviously, no one wants to become a zombie. But, this might be worse. There’s no clear opinion about what happens to the soul or consciousness of the person the zombie was. Do we know that we have become a brain consuming monster that only wants to eat our friends and families? Because I think that’s terrifying. The only thing worse than having no control over whether you’ve become a zombie slave is having an awareness that you want to eat any person that crosses your path, but you cannot do anything about it. Is it like Alzheimer? Do the zombies ever have clarity?

For the survivors:

• First of all, does anyone else think this sounds like an awful STD from a bad date? The zombie has to be in proximity to bite you. So all you have to do is stay away from them. It’s not like they can throw the zombie virus. It’s like abstinence, but for your life. Don’t have sex, don’t get a disease. Don’t be near a zombie, don’t become one. It’s not like you catch zombie from a toilet seat.
• You realize that it’s highly probable you will eventually have to kill a friend or family member. (On the upside, you might kill your nemesis for a good, legal reason.)
• Zombies don’t sleep, but humans do. We have to face the limits of our own humanity.

The Actual Zombie Apocalypse

Regardless of what type of zombie apocalypse occurs, Cracked.com makes an excellent point. “It is our inability to murder loved ones that will bring about our ultimate downfall.” Many people I know say that they could shoot their loved ones, but I have my doubts. For those of you who think you could, I don’t believe you. I think that murder for most of us would give us at least a pregnant pause before we aimed to kill. That pause will clearly lead to the zombie knocking the head off our body and possibly eating our brains.

If the zombie apocalypse ever occurs, I’m rescuing the serial killers and hanging out with them. With zombies, they want to kill everyone. Serial killers generally only want to kill young hot boys or women. I no longer fill either of these classification. Totally saved.

Here’s a drink for those nights where a zombie apocalypse is on the conversation agenda:

The Corpse Reviver

From The Savoy Cocktail Book:

2 oz Brandy/Cognac

1 oz Apple Brandy

1 oz Sweet Vermouth

Stir well with ice and strain into a martini glass.

Evaluation:

I am not a fan of this cocktail. In fact, given the tastes of most of the people I know who read this blog, I don’t think they would like it either. It’s sweet, but let me explain that.

There are types of sweet. Generally, when we think of sweet, we think of dessert sweet. For cocktails, these are drinks like Chocolate Martinis, rum and cokes, and Gimlets. Then there are the drier cocktails: Martinis, Manhattans, and old-fashioneds. This drink falls bizarrely in the middle. Because of the Sweet Vermouth and brandy, it’s incredibly herbal. You can taste those mysterious herbs that distillers use to create the liquors. However, brandy and apple brandy are both incredibly sweet compared to their liquor counterparts. It’s much sweeter than whiskey, gin, vodka, etc. There is a reason why people drink cognac and brandy neat and warm and have for centuries, across multiple countries.

The drink is really strong and was created for consumption on hangover mornings. Enough to kick drive the drinker into the rest of the day. It’s the 1930s equivalent of a mimosa at brunch. If you have “drunk across time,” you can tell that this would have delighted the Depression era drinker, but not many of you from today.

Honestly, you can take your Corpse Reviver and hand me a mimosa. However, mimosas aren’t a good cocktail when discussions on the zombie apocalypse are on the conversation agenda. Does anyone have any other suggestions?

Cost:

Cost if you have nothing:

750 mL bottle of Brandy: $10

750 mL bottle of Apple Brandy: $20

750 mL bottle of Martini and Rossi Sweet Vermouth: $8

Total Cost: $38

Cost per drink:

Brandy: $0.80

Apple Brandy: $0.80

Sweet Vermouth: 0.32

Cost per drink: $1.92

Have zombie hunting! And, as always, happy and safe drinking.

Metropolitan Doubts

Hello, Gentle readers. I’m hoping this will be way less of a sabbatical than my last one, which was more unintentional than intentional.

I can’t believe it’s been six months since I’ve last updated. It doesn’t feel that long, but I suppose a lot has happened since then.

I got promoted in May. I got downsized on Wednesday. I’m currently back in Kansas. This is my second trip this year, which is weird. I’m planning my wedding for sometime next summer in Raleigh. I’m applying to grad school and law school. Right now, I’m licking my wounds in the great state of Kansas in the incredibly confusing city of Manhattan. Whenever I say I’m from Manhattan in Raleigh, people always assume I mean New York, and I have to correct them. I need to just start saying I’m from Kansas, but that’s not how I think about myself.

But today, I’m here. In Manhattan, KS. It’s the first day that I’ve really felt like I should be at work, since Wednesday. It’s weird.

It’s the little things that are slowly hitting me. My key chain being half the weight. Feeling like I should be in my office in Chapel Hill instead of in a coffee shop in Manhattan, KS. I’m still checking my work email. I’m not responding, but I’m glancing at it, which seems weird. I just probably stop doing that. Like when I tell my friends they need to stop checking their ex’s Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace. A clean break. Amputation as a theory for break-ups, and apparently for jobs.

I’ve been working 50 to 60 hours a week since January between the call center and the test prep company, and then just the test prep company. To go from that, to nothing, terrifies me.

I’m just so uncertain now. I needed to recenter, so I ran away. At least, that’s what it felt like. But I was so scared I was just going to stop functioning in Raleigh. That I would be 19 again and start sleeping the day away. Pretend like grad school and personal statements didn’t exist and just watch Netflix or play video games. Otherwise known as things that don’t allow me to be a functioning adult. Which are all things I’ve done before.

I just don’t know where to start. I’ve just wrapped myself up so completely in work. Friends that I saw every week, I started seeing once a month or less. Acquaintances I saw once a month, I started seeing every six. As you know, I stopped writing my blog. In fact, I stopped all cocktail creation, and just went with what I know when I made drinks. I lost myself in work. It swallowed me up. The hunter has opened the wolf’s belly, and I’ve escaped.

But, now what? I don’t know how to fill this hole that is appearing inside of me. Or the time. I also know that I need to spend this time working on my grad school applications, law school applications, and studying for the LSAT. It’s about moving forward. But finding the energy or motivation for that is just difficult right now. How do you write a personal statement and convince people to let you into their program and give you money, when you’re not convinced of it yourself.

I’m finding myself with a lot of doubts. I know it will get better. However, it’s the time from now until then that I’m having trouble with. For now, there are Metropolitans.

Metropolitan:

2 oz Brandy

1 oz Sweet Vermouth

1/2 oz Simple Syrup

• Add ice to a martini shaker.
• Add all ingredients.
• Shake dramatically.
• Pour and enjoy!

Evaluation:

I really like this drink. But I like Brandy, and for my martinis to be vermouth-y as I’m sure you’re all aware by now. Much like a good Manhattan, this drink is smooth. By adding the simple syrup, you reduce a lot of the bitterness that one would find. A lot of my friends don’t drink Metros or Manhattans, so be weary if you don’t like liquor on liquor. If you already know you like Brandy, or you just want to give it a try, definitely give this a try, especially since it’s so inexpensive.

Cost:

750 mL bottle of Brandy:       $10

750 mL bottle of Vermouth: $5

Box of Sugar:                                 $3

Water:                                               $0 (unless you pay for water)

Total cost: $18 (assuming you don’t have sugar in your cabinet.)

Alright, I’ve written for you, I need you guys to do me a favor, gentle readers. I’ve been uninspired recently when it comes to drinks. What drinks do you like? What flavors? Every thought of a good drink, but never got it just right? Leave your comments below.

And, as always, happy, and safe, drinking.

The Revolutionized Appletini

Many of us think of appletinis as a girly drink. The traditional combination of 1/2 vodka, 1/2 apple liqueur. I don’t know if we can subscribe a gender role to this cocktail, but we can definitely subscribe judgment to this drink: Terrible. I hate this combination. Why anyone would want to drink apple flavored, watered down vodka is completely beyond me.

Personally, I think we need to have An Appletini Revolution: Anniversary: 12-9-2009. Something that actually retains the flavor of an apple but is also concentrated and gets you cocktailed.

I started by making the traditional version and had to pour it out. Then, because I knew I hated the original drink I got to play. I’m never sure whether or not I’m happy that I get to work on making a cocktail when the original recipe is unworthy of being remade.

I tried playing with all the liqueurs. Brandy, rum, whiskey. I was smart enough to avoid gin from the onset though. Apple flavored pine trees? Gross. I was dissatisfied until I discovered Applejack and used it to make a version of the appletini. But something was still missing. It wasn’t sweet enough. So I added:

Simple Syrup

I will keep instructing on how to make simple syrup. If you know how to make it, just skip it. For those of you who don’t, this has the potential of being a very necessary ingredient. Many bartender books include this as a necessary ingredient. It’s so simple to make if you don’t have it, friends and lovers have a right to forever scorn you if you ever complain about how difficult it is or how long it takes.

Boil 1 cup of sugar into 1 cup of water. Bring to a rolling boil for a few minutes. Remove from heat. Let cool. Voila, simple syrup.

You don’t even have to stir it.  Easy peasy. And it becomes the ingredient to bring the Apple Jack together with the Apple Pucker in the

The Revolutionary Appletini

2 parts Apple Jack (or Apple Brandy)

2 parts Apple Pucker (or Apple Liqueur)

1 part Simple Syrup

• Add ice to a martini shaker.
• Add all ingredients.
• Shake dramatically.
• Pour and enjoy!

Evaluation:

I think this drink is much better than the original. It’s not as potent as a traditional appletini (but not by much). I think it has a better flavor because you can taste the apple well, rather than have it play a poor second fiddle to the vodka. It’s a delightful surprise really. But this drink is cheap, so taste it and tell me yourself.

Cost:

1 750 mL bottle of Apple Jack (Apple Brandy): $18.90

1 750 mL bottle of Aristocrat Tangy Sour Apple Schnapps: $7.50

Simple Syrup: Practically free

Total: 26.40

As always, happy and safe drinking!